8.05.2006

The Cabin Series - Entry Six: Leaving Here

It never seems all that real anyway. A week of reading, writing, enjoying all day with my family, wandering through the day as if it were totally mine...

We left yesterday afternoon so we could have a few days at home before I had to go back to work. I'm in the airlock now.

It will be a nearly a year before we go back.

The Cabin Series - Entry Five: Happy Anniversary

This post was originally meant for 8/3/06, but when I arrived at the Cedarville library I was greeted to a sign on the door. "No internet today, 8/3/06" - this was apparently true of long distance service, and cell phone coverage across Michigan, Indiana, and Ohio??? Anyone else experience this? There were no news reports and my dad had internet and phone at work on Thursday. This didn't help the librarian's case that she "knows what she is talking about... it's not like we don't have a tech person who deals with this every day."



Today we celebrate 4 years of marriage. We dated four years before. Eight years seems long and so short all at once. This past year has been the best so far. We could never have imagined how a child would deepen our love for one another.

It was just a few weeks after our last anniversary that we found out about Maya. What a whirlwind of a year and particularly the last three months since she has been here. Will we find out about baby number two in a few more weeks? Stay tuned!

8.02.2006

The Cabin Series - Entry Four: Coming Out of View

Seeing your reflection through the ancient glass that is all warped and disfiguring can make one anxious.



Even when I try to capture all the fun and beauty of a moment, I mostly fail at pulling it all together into something that will tell the exact story years from now. This picture was taken at Niagara Falls with my Dad. I had the great idea of holding the camera out at arms length and snapping the picture - just capturing the beauty of the place and the fun with my Dad. Oh well, even if I couldn't get the picture just right, there was a tourist from Germany who did a wonderful job of capturing our whole bodies. But I'm pretty sure we can't rely on German tourists for everything.

The past few years have allowed me to be more comfortable with uncertainty in my story, in the story. I'm okay with knowing that there is a huge picture and we have the privilege to see just enough for hope.

8.01.2006

The Cabin Series - Entry Three: Bambi Killers

There they were, those bright orange letters blaring through the black.

As a child, I was always slightly frightened of hunters. In my mind, they were always mentioned next to words like "trespassing" or "under the penalty of the law." I used to imagine hardened criminals wandering through the woods, practicing their killing on the forest creatures. The animated movie to which I allude in the title, only helped this theory.

Not only were hunters obviously criminals, they also had a very bad sense of style. I used to sit on the toilet leafing through old Cabela's catalogues. (A practice apparently inherent among the men in my family.) These criminals would wander through the woods, gun on shoulder and fake antlers clenched in their fists, dressed in the most hideous plaids you have ever seen. To top this off they could splash on a little fox urine to throw the deer off their scent.

I'm not condemning hunting. I'll chow on a venison taco any day of the week. I am of the mind that hunting could become a little more '2006' - a bit softer around the edges. A little more 'urban meets backwoods.' Maybe we could have a 'metro' hunting line? A nice fox pee and white tea lotion or flat front camouflage pants...

Just an idea.

7.31.2006

The Cabin Series - Entry Two: Being Here


It is hard not to be anxious here. “Okay, now what?” I will sometimes ask Ang after a few days here. I don’t practice this enough.

Respite
Solace
Stillness

Well, as much stillness as Maya allows us. But she seems to enjoy the time away from the hundreds of hands that reach out to her and the voices that prophesy to her. A time for her to just be with the those that she needs the most right now.

I should approach my time here the same way... I’m re-learning.

7.29.2006

The Cabin Series - Entry One: "Salvation 101 - or 2, or 3, or 4, or..."

It wasn’t really that long ago. It seems philosophies and mores change so quickly when you look at life in retrospective. (As retrospective as my twenty seven years allow.)
***
“...come in today, come in to stay, come into my heart, Lord Jesus.” I finished singing as dozens around me enjoyed the same enlightened feeling that had just enveloped me. They had been here before as I had, and here we were again - enjoying a clean slate. I couldn’t really pinpoint when I had lost it; when my soul had taken the journey over the line from light to darkness. Maybe one or two around me were “first timers,” those who were experiencing the Holy Spirit’s ‘tug’ for the first time, but for many of us - this was a familiar journey. We had taken the walk down the aisle to the ‘altar’ to lay our sins before God. We had slid back and if we didn’t re-commit our lives to our Savior - who knows where we would end up if we ‘died in a car accident on the way home from church’ (this was always presented very dramatically and was usually a guarantee that the altar call wasn’t a complete flop for the pastor who was obviously tracking his stats) or worse - the rapture (See: Isaiah, or is it John? No - Revelation... oh wait, it’s not in there!) happened.



Having seen those action packed seventies rapture flicks, I knew that if I survived the car wreck - that most assuredly would occur as my Father suddenly disappeared and a pile of clothes were left in the driver’s seat - I would have a chance of getting saved within seven years, but would probably die after my head was removed by a guillotine. I lived with this fear for most of my adolescence. I quaked every Sunday night during my junior high years when the preacher would ‘get a word’ that there was a young man in the crowd that was having impure thoughts and they needed to ‘get right or get left’ (Seriously - we had a modern day prophet on our hands). You can imagine the great relief I would feel when he was just having a word that there was a young lady who was drowning in some emotional sorrow.
***
Admittedly - It was a great learning experience for me. I began doubting some of the basic ‘theological’ beliefs that our charismatic church held during my last year of High School. When I entered one of that denomination’s colleges my Freshman year and took my first theology class, I was convinced I needed to make a change to somewhere that would give me a better look at theology from a post-Christ to now viewpoint. That stuff that came off Azusa Street after the Great Quake was too fabricated, too forced, didn’t last, and lacked approval from thousands of years of saints.

Much of my questioning was at the prodding of my friend, then girlfriend, and now wife. She made me question why I believed what I believed. And when I would question - a lot of the answers that typically rolled off my tongue didn’t make a lot of sense. I am forever thankful that she had studied and had continued to challenge what she believed. (See below - yep, those are “Gospel Tracts” Ang and Daniel are studying. If there is anything I have learned in my studies of theology, it is that most truth lies within those 2x4 inch booklets.) She has been the perfect wife of Proverb-like stature. I really love that she keeps our house in perfect order and that when I get home from work my dinner is ready... okay I can’t really keep going with this. She is amazing, but not because of her Martha Stewart qualities.


But Seriously, I am so glad the need for re-salvation has turned into the need for confession and communion with a God who will never leave me, and whose grasp I can never escape. (See: The Bible - that’s in there.)

7.01.2006

These tiny creatures...



...as it turns out, have the ability to empathize with each other.

Being a Father has re-awakened some of my deepest held beliefs. Now, more than ever I want justice, peace, hope and love to pervade our planet. This is just a small part of this re-awakening. I don't want Maya to live in the same world in which I live. This makes me realize that I have a huge responsibility to change things that surrounds us - just how, I don't know.

I do know that as I drove to visit 'Casa Communitas' on Thursday evening, I was captivated by a story playing on some Canadian radio station. The host of the program was interviewing a researcher from Montreal that had discovered that mice actually empathize with one another. As these mice live together, they grow very attached to one another and are able to console one another as they are faced with an impending injection of 'pain serum.'

It made me think that if mice could empathize - to have the ability to project "a subjective state into an object so that the object appears to be infused with it" (Websters) - shouldn't we be way better at this? Shouldn't we be able to look into the world of someone else who is experiencing pain and be about the business of infusing their life with the good that we have been given in ours?

The crazy thing is - these mice communicate this feeling to one another through their eyes. It has become far to easy for us to not stare into the eyes of those who are oppressed and understand what they are facing, and give them hope. These eyes are from a child in
Darfur.



Now, I know that there are many problems all around the world - but this one is huge and something needs to happen soon. I do know that if that face was Maya's, I would be trying to do a lot more. I know that is wrong - I do want Fatherhood to change some things in me.

5.20.2006

Sit, stay, no need to get up...

Magnetic Poetry Online... really. But beware... you aren't the only contributor on the site.

5.15.2006

Not much time for blogging...

So Maya consumes most of our time... but it is good consumption.



Check out this link. It was on today's Rocketboom and is well worth your time.

3.27.2006

3.10.2006

Linking you to bigger and better things!

A New Blog Home For Ryan? Maybe... My new mac experiments lend themselves to this other site.

3.04.2006

Enjoying Saturday...



...with Ang and my Maya, who...












...will soon be here.

2.16.2006

2.08.2006

A mouth full of exhaust - or - God made sulfates, so they can't be that bad


Hmm... another shout out to good old boy James Dobson for siding with SUVs. I don't know about you, but I'm always looking for environmental advise from psychologists. I think I'll stick with scientists (anybody know anything about trend lines?).

It's not all bad. Thanks to Irish Dave for showing that there truly are Christians out there that care about the environment.

Yeah, I know the signers of the reaction letter state that they too care about the environment... but why the need to make a perceived contrary statement?

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Oh... and in case you missed the State of the Union... here is a quick summary.

1.29.2006

It's time for Christians to take a stand...



...or is it? Perpetuated by the fear mongers, our church voted today to amend our constition to make absolutely sure that no gay people would ever be married there. No matter that it is already illegal in Michigan - twice over. Apparently there was need to take action because the law could change at any moment and droves of homosexuals could run into our church demanding to be married, and if we don't have a clear statement we will be S.O.L... or so the thought process goes. Apparently they think that the supreme court couldn't make them allow gay marriage if we had an existing statement in place.

What a waste of time. Eight months wasted, when we should have been about the politics of Christ.

1.23.2006

Seeing a picture of the future...

Every once in a while you get to see what your life will be like in a few years...



Tonight, as Emma and Marianne came over for respite from their waterless house of construction, a duet filled my living room. Normally when two or more Rudds combine to make music I'm a bit frightened... but this wasn't so bad. It was actually kind of nice to listen to.

I'm so excited to see Maya grow and eventually be able to make music with her mommy... only 9,158,400 seconds until you're supposed to come out. I can't wait!